It's Not What You Have, But Who You Are!

The hedonic treadmill keeps us running in place, always seeking more but never truly satisfied.

Let's face it: human beings are obsessed with stuff. Objects from birth surround us, each bearing some supposed significance.

There's the baby's first stuffed toy, mom's favourite couch, and later in life, possibly a midlife crisis classic car —each new acquisition is somehow a rite of passage. And yet, amidst all the accumulation of stuff, one realization looms: who you are is infinitely more valuable than anything you own.

Sure, stuff is fun. Stuff is sometimes shiny. Stuff even smells good when it's new. But—just for a moment—let's imagine that all this "stuff" suddenly vanished. Poof! Gone are the iPhones, the Netflix subscriptions, and the ridiculously overpriced sneakers.

What are we left with? Well, at that point, you'd be standing in your metaphorical birthday suit, forced to confront a far more uncomfortable question: Who am I really, without all my stuff? Spoiler alert: most people avoid this question like they avoid returning their shopping carts.

Let's break it down. In today's world, we live in the paradox of overstuffed closets and underfed souls.

We convince ourselves that what we possess defines us, that stuff equates to status, and that the path to happiness must be paved with IKEA shelves stacked with artisanal candles, rare comic books, and elaborate kitchen gadgets we'll use exactly once (looking at you, avocado slicer).

As anyone who's ever had a garage sale knows, our attachment to things doesn't exactly mean we'll love them forever. Sure, you swore that pasta maker was your ticket to culinary greatness, but let's see it: it was gathering dust next to that juicer you bought after one ambitious viewing of a Netflix food doc.

But while we're busy obsessing over the latest tech and the trendiest clothes, wise minds throughout history have told us that our true value lies in who we are, not in what we possess. Lao Tzu, Buddha, and even Socrates (a guy who didn't even wear shoes half the time) reminded us that inner peace, wisdom, and kindness are priceless. Part of their wisdom was realizing that nobody can repossess inner peace because you forgot to make payments on it.

"who you are" outweighs "what you have."

First, consider how people talk about others. It's they remember is not what you owned but it's impressions you made, how you made people feel, and the memorable things you said.

Take friendships. You don't keep friends because they have unique sports cars or lavish kitchens. You keep friends who bring value to your life, make you laugh, lend you an ear during tough times, or remember how you take your coffee.

Their loyalty, humour, and kindness are their tangible assets. Yet, we're constantly bombarded by social media influencers posing with luxury bags or designer sneakers, as if happiness can be delivered overnight in a box—no assembly required.

News flash: the world's happiest people are not clutching Louis Vuitton handbags, but rather a sense of purpose and, if lucky, a loyal dog.

The reason this mindset falls short is simple: possessions are transient.

The thrill of the new purchase quickly wears off, leaving us longing for the next acquisition to reignite that fleeting spark. This cycle, known as the "hedonic treadmill," keeps us running in place, always seeking more but never truly satisfied.

As poet Tyler Durden (yes, from Fight Club) said, "The things you own end up owning you."

Sure, it sounds profound when a brooding character says it, but it's also a reminder that stuff demands attention, care, and maintenance—often without offering much in return.

Imagine a world where nobody cared about material wealth—no judgment for the clothes you wore, no value placed on your gadget collection, no admiration for the size of your house.

Who would you be in such a world? It’s a question worth pondering, especially considering the importance we place on material markers of success. Our identity in such a world would be based on our humour, compassion, intelligence, and spirit.

This isn’t just pie-in-the-sky utopian dreaming, either. Studies in psychology show that people who prioritize experiences and personal development over material possessions tend to be happier.

After all, memories never need repairs or dusting; they certainly don’t come with a monthly payment plan. So, focusing on the qualities that truly define us—integrity, kindness, resilience—allows us to build a sense of self-worth independent of material possessions.

One of the more amusing ironies of life is that many people only realize “stuff isn’t the answer” after acquiring a whole lot of it.

Celebrities, for instance, often reach fame and fortune only to discover it didn’t come with an instruction manual for happiness. Many eventually turn to minimalism, giving away their wealth or finding solace in simplicity. Meanwhile, the rest of us stand in line for hours on Black Friday, convinced that happiness comes in cardboard and plastic wrap.

The reality is that happiness and self-worth are more likely to come from within than from a shopping cart. The happiest individuals have cultivated qualities like gratitude, empathy, and resilience—not just acquired more stuff. If you’ve ever met someone who seemed genuinely content and at peace, you’ll notice their sense of joy radiates from within.

It’s not dependent on their outfit, car, or house. And often, these people are the ones who give generously, love deeply, and laugh usually. Their joy isn’t something you can buy, but it is something you can build.

Consider the legacy you want to leave behind. Years from now, people won’t remember you for the car you drove or the size of your bank account (unless, of course, you’re Elon Musk, and your bank account is now on Mars). Instead, people remember the kindness shared, moments of laughter, advice given, and the time you went out of your way to help them.

Our legacy is not defined by the things we’ve owned but by the people we’ve been.

It’s the memories we create, the connections we foster, and the good we leave behind. Ask anyone who’s attended a eulogy—they rarely spend time listing possessions. Instead, they recall moments of love, generosity, and humour.

Don't be like Socrates; you need money to cover your basics, faith, and friends. True wealth is being content with yourself and possessing qualities no one can take away. Embracing this mindset might even leave you with a lighter heart—and a slightly less cluttered closet.